You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
