what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize