shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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