Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
