He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
