They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
