he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
