I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
