I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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