Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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