grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
