DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
