his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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