$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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