You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
