I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
