Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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