I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
