I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
