If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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