He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
