I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
