First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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