I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
