ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
