last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
