I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
