I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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