Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
