My sheets look like a crime scene.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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