Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
