sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
