I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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