Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
