i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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