My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he thought i was a dude.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
