It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
