You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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