i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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