just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
