Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
