so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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