I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
