is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
