SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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