Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
