I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize