let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
