I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
