I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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