Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
