I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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