just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
