I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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