he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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