ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
