The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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