I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
