In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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