Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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