I wish my penis had an off switch
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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