im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize