I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize