These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
