i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
