Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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