I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
