She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
