i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
3 2 1 whiskey
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
