you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
